Morning Routine

Chapter 7

This chapter focuses on how we prepare for the day ahead. Jesus said in Matthew 6:34, “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

I read this chapter a week ago and didn’t really digest it. Just read it like it was the nutritional facts on the back of a box of food. Again today, I reread the chapter and oh how it could have helped me during this week. I usually have more on my plate than one can accomplish in one day. I’m not great at organizing which tasks should be done first and second and so on, because they all seem important. So I start to worry about what needs to be completed and calculating the time it will take to complete each task always allowing time for a few interruptions. And then I get in a funk sometimes that I don’t want to complete the task until the very last minute which can be even more worrisome.

For instance, this past Sunday I needed to complete a report for a client, so I procrastinated doing the report until 8 pm that night and then decided to do it in the morning instead. From 8 pm to around 5 am I was up worrying about getting the report done and everything else that needed to be completed that day, too. If I would have just done the report on Sunday, then I wouldn’t have been worrying all night, and tired all day on Monday. I just couldn’t bring myself to do the report on a holiday weekend.

Also, the snooze button vs. just getting up and facing the day is a whole other issue. I believe every time I have gotten up right away the day is always so much better. If I hit the snooze button over and over, then the day just isn’t the same. I hit the snooze button hoping for a little more sleep but it always ends with me not getting anymore sleep and just going over everything I need to complete during the day. The other thing I have realized is if I read and meditate on the Bible in the morning, then I’m a bit different the rest of the day. I don’t really know how to explain it, just different.

I do have to get better about going to the Lord in the morning and at night. I’m still in the training mode. Don’t get me wrong, I want to do these things but they lapse my mind sometimes, because I am so worried about everything else or caught up in my life.

Is it right to put Christ off, no, but do I sometimes, yes. This week was a perfect example, I put him off big time. I was so caught up in work that I put him on the side burner and suffered a great deal. I was making progress and taking steps forward in the prior week and then this week I took some steps back. I had an angry heart about everything. I got an email from someone saying they were praying for me and what was my response. “I truly appreciate it, but honesty I’m not worth it. Your time and energy can be spent elsewhere,” plus some other choice words. And of course, then I dwelled on that the rest of the week, because I felt bad I sent it, they were only trying to help bring it to the Lord. And then, since I have been angry this week, and I can’t really take it out on anyone, I have wanted to cut so bad. I disposed of my last razor two weeks ago, and have been able to restrain myself from doing it. I just don’t know what else to do with all this angry sometimes I have toward others, myself, and the world. I really am getting mad lately over people trying to help. And stuff that is not true and real keeps coming into my mind and this week I let it takeover.

Seriously, I don’t need people to pray for me or take interest in my life. In the end, I’ll bring them down and they will leave as a friend or what not. And then let’s talk about track records, what’s real & true…Every time I have something good going for myself, I always manage to screw it up. I am not beautiful or attractive or worthy of anyone’s love, let’s just count how many boyfriends I have had for proof of this. One of the people at church sent me a song to listen to called “Beautiful” by MercyMe which really set me off. Here is the start of the song which is mainly what I focused on when I listened to it a couple of times.

“Days will come when you don’t have the strength, when all you hear is you’re not worth anything, wondering if you ever could be loved, and if they truly saw your heart they’d see too much”

And then I started getting mad at the song when it stated over and over “You’re beautiful”…really??? No I’m 100% sure I’m not but thanks for that!

Alright, so of course these last few paragraphs are wrong per God’s Word but this is what happens to me when I don’t read his Word. Do I appreciate the prayers, yes somewhat (still have a hard time with this). Do I appreciate receiving the song, yes. Does the past dictate the future, no. Do I feel worthy, no, should I yes. Have I started to put a front on again, yes, should I, no.

In the following days, I am going to have to make a conscience effort of getting up (not pressing the snooze button), reading His Word in the morning, and constantly thinking on the truth and not allowing my emotions take hold.

It’s all about going to Him for strength, because I feel so weak and vulnerable right now. I have removed my coping mechanisms, and the emptiness on inside seems like a black hole at times. I wish it could be filled with love, instead. As much as I read the Bible and know God loves me and I should love others. There is no love in my heart or soul. I don’t think I really know what love really is because I don’t feel others love me and I don’t feel I love others. Do I hate, of course not but do I love, I don’t think so.

Yup…several steps backwards…Today is all there is, today is all there is, today is all there is….