Another year has gone by and from a traveling standpoint, this was by far one of the least exciting years I have had in a long time. I pretty much worked most of the year and didn’t take too many days off to travel and/or enjoy life.
The year started off running head first into busy season at work. I went from one client to another each week. I was able to travel a couple of the weeks for business, Chicago and St. Pete Beach. In Chicago, we ate at some local restaurants and I was able to shop the first night I got there, which is always a highlight in my book. I made sure to stop by the Lego Store and check out all the new collections for the year. Of course I didn’t leave the store empty handed!
As busy season for work was coming to an end, I was gearing up for some much needed travel. Right before my trips started, I purchased one of the best items ever created…an iPad!!! Yes, I was one of the people standing in line at Apple the day it came out with 3G on April 30th. Oh, I must mention I was the first one in line (thanks mom for helping make that happen). A week later with the iPad in hand, I was off to London to visit my dear friend Danielle Murphy. I was only there for four days but we made sure to jam as much as possible in that four day weekend. If you would like to see fabulous pictures and read more about the trip, check out my blog entry at:
http://dsrliving.blogspot.com/2010/05/trip-to-london-was-absolutely-fabulous.html
I had a couple weeks in town to recoup and then it was off to Iowa to visit relatives and celebrate Memorial Day. It was a weekend filled with stories, laughs, eating, gathering, cards, and of course trips to the cemetery…Love it! The rest of the year was filled with tons of work, church and some day trips.
Over the past several years I have wanted to start attending church regularly, reading God’s word, and separating myself from the night life scene. There was always something standing in the way it seemed (mostly soccer)…well not this year. Since April, I have been attending First Baptist Church of Naples. Even though I was christened as a child, I decided to be baptized in the Gulf this summer on July 25th. Since then, I have been reading God’s word daily, going to weekly church services, and attending different groups/ministries in the church. It’s been a tough second half of the year though, as I have confronted my vices and I am in the process of changing, healing, and moving forward. I believe this was an essential step I needed to take in order to walk and live a life for God and not myself or for others. As Andrew Peterson wrote in one of his songs, “The only way to find your life is to lay your own life down.” Isn’t that the truth…well, it has definitely been a life changing year!
After working so much I have decided to take three months off next summer to go on a dream trip I have had for several years to the Middle East area (Turkey, Syria, Israel, Jordan, & Egypt) for half of the time and then volunteer the remainder of the time. Needless to say, I am ready for 2010 to be over and looking forward to the adventures of 2011!
“Grace, mercy, and peace will be with us, from God the Father and from Jesus Christ, the Son of the Father, in truth and love.” – 2 John 1:3
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
When Will It Stop
I know deep down inside I want to break free from this but why can't I do it. The urges are so strong at times and I give in. Am I hopeless? Will this be with me the rest of my life? I have so many dreams and this isn't one of them. I recite His word that He loves me and say over & over 1 Cor. 6:19-20 but the urges seem too strong at times. This body isn't mine, so how can I treat it so badly.
I was doing well. Three weeks had gone by and I was making progress. I disposed of all my blades, I was fighting off the urges that came into my head with scripture verses, but then came today. Nothing crazy happened except the urge to cut was fierce and I gave into Satan (I hate writing that word but if it's not God's way then whose way is it). I used to get these "Helping Hand" blades (nice name huh) but haven't been able to find them in a while. I dislike the ones Publix, Walmart, & Target carry, so I went in search for others. I went to the first store and for the life of me couldn't find any, so then I went to the next store and looked & looked and finally there they were, my favorite brand. Yes I am a sick, pathetic person.
To really do a lot of damage, I was going to go and buy a bottle of wine to kick things off but thankfully resisted those temptations. What is wrong with me? Why do I feel the need to do this? To feel this pain on the outside? I wish I could break free from this and the urges wouldn't even enter my mind.
Long sleeves for a while now...good thing it's cold outside. All the research shows that this is something that occurs in teenagers and people in their early 20's. It's a phase that people grow out of, so why haven't I? I know I can do it but what will I replace it with? Hopefully nothing else hurtful.
I really need to change some of the songs I listen to...lyrics & music can definitely have an impact on my emotions...today's song choices were:
I'm so messed up. I can talk a good game, put on the smiles, be social and laugh when I am out with people but it feels empty. I play the part, then go home and feel disgusted with myself. But really who wants to hang around anyone who is down and out...uh no one!
Day 1 starts again tomorrow...
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Morning Routine
Chapter 7
This chapter focuses on how we prepare for the day ahead. Jesus said in Matthew 6:34, “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
I read this chapter a week ago and didn’t really digest it. Just read it like it was the nutritional facts on the back of a box of food. Again today, I reread the chapter and oh how it could have helped me during this week. I usually have more on my plate than one can accomplish in one day. I’m not great at organizing which tasks should be done first and second and so on, because they all seem important. So I start to worry about what needs to be completed and calculating the time it will take to complete each task always allowing time for a few interruptions. And then I get in a funk sometimes that I don’t want to complete the task until the very last minute which can be even more worrisome.
For instance, this past Sunday I needed to complete a report for a client, so I procrastinated doing the report until 8 pm that night and then decided to do it in the morning instead. From 8 pm to around 5 am I was up worrying about getting the report done and everything else that needed to be completed that day, too. If I would have just done the report on Sunday, then I wouldn’t have been worrying all night, and tired all day on Monday. I just couldn’t bring myself to do the report on a holiday weekend.
Also, the snooze button vs. just getting up and facing the day is a whole other issue. I believe every time I have gotten up right away the day is always so much better. If I hit the snooze button over and over, then the day just isn’t the same. I hit the snooze button hoping for a little more sleep but it always ends with me not getting anymore sleep and just going over everything I need to complete during the day. The other thing I have realized is if I read and meditate on the Bible in the morning, then I’m a bit different the rest of the day. I don’t really know how to explain it, just different.
I do have to get better about going to the Lord in the morning and at night. I’m still in the training mode. Don’t get me wrong, I want to do these things but they lapse my mind sometimes, because I am so worried about everything else or caught up in my life.
Is it right to put Christ off, no, but do I sometimes, yes. This week was a perfect example, I put him off big time. I was so caught up in work that I put him on the side burner and suffered a great deal. I was making progress and taking steps forward in the prior week and then this week I took some steps back. I had an angry heart about everything. I got an email from someone saying they were praying for me and what was my response. “I truly appreciate it, but honesty I’m not worth it. Your time and energy can be spent elsewhere,” plus some other choice words. And of course, then I dwelled on that the rest of the week, because I felt bad I sent it, they were only trying to help bring it to the Lord. And then, since I have been angry this week, and I can’t really take it out on anyone, I have wanted to cut so bad. I disposed of my last razor two weeks ago, and have been able to restrain myself from doing it. I just don’t know what else to do with all this angry sometimes I have toward others, myself, and the world. I really am getting mad lately over people trying to help. And stuff that is not true and real keeps coming into my mind and this week I let it takeover.
Seriously, I don’t need people to pray for me or take interest in my life. In the end, I’ll bring them down and they will leave as a friend or what not. And then let’s talk about track records, what’s real & true…Every time I have something good going for myself, I always manage to screw it up. I am not beautiful or attractive or worthy of anyone’s love, let’s just count how many boyfriends I have had for proof of this. One of the people at church sent me a song to listen to called “Beautiful” by MercyMe which really set me off. Here is the start of the song which is mainly what I focused on when I listened to it a couple of times.
“Days will come when you don’t have the strength, when all you hear is you’re not worth anything, wondering if you ever could be loved, and if they truly saw your heart they’d see too much”
And then I started getting mad at the song when it stated over and over “You’re beautiful”…really??? No I’m 100% sure I’m not but thanks for that!
Alright, so of course these last few paragraphs are wrong per God’s Word but this is what happens to me when I don’t read his Word. Do I appreciate the prayers, yes somewhat (still have a hard time with this). Do I appreciate receiving the song, yes. Does the past dictate the future, no. Do I feel worthy, no, should I yes. Have I started to put a front on again, yes, should I, no.
In the following days, I am going to have to make a conscience effort of getting up (not pressing the snooze button), reading His Word in the morning, and constantly thinking on the truth and not allowing my emotions take hold.
It’s all about going to Him for strength, because I feel so weak and vulnerable right now. I have removed my coping mechanisms, and the emptiness on inside seems like a black hole at times. I wish it could be filled with love, instead. As much as I read the Bible and know God loves me and I should love others. There is no love in my heart or soul. I don’t think I really know what love really is because I don’t feel others love me and I don’t feel I love others. Do I hate, of course not but do I love, I don’t think so.
Yup…several steps backwards…Today is all there is, today is all there is, today is all there is….
This chapter focuses on how we prepare for the day ahead. Jesus said in Matthew 6:34, “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
I read this chapter a week ago and didn’t really digest it. Just read it like it was the nutritional facts on the back of a box of food. Again today, I reread the chapter and oh how it could have helped me during this week. I usually have more on my plate than one can accomplish in one day. I’m not great at organizing which tasks should be done first and second and so on, because they all seem important. So I start to worry about what needs to be completed and calculating the time it will take to complete each task always allowing time for a few interruptions. And then I get in a funk sometimes that I don’t want to complete the task until the very last minute which can be even more worrisome.
For instance, this past Sunday I needed to complete a report for a client, so I procrastinated doing the report until 8 pm that night and then decided to do it in the morning instead. From 8 pm to around 5 am I was up worrying about getting the report done and everything else that needed to be completed that day, too. If I would have just done the report on Sunday, then I wouldn’t have been worrying all night, and tired all day on Monday. I just couldn’t bring myself to do the report on a holiday weekend.
Also, the snooze button vs. just getting up and facing the day is a whole other issue. I believe every time I have gotten up right away the day is always so much better. If I hit the snooze button over and over, then the day just isn’t the same. I hit the snooze button hoping for a little more sleep but it always ends with me not getting anymore sleep and just going over everything I need to complete during the day. The other thing I have realized is if I read and meditate on the Bible in the morning, then I’m a bit different the rest of the day. I don’t really know how to explain it, just different.
I do have to get better about going to the Lord in the morning and at night. I’m still in the training mode. Don’t get me wrong, I want to do these things but they lapse my mind sometimes, because I am so worried about everything else or caught up in my life.
Is it right to put Christ off, no, but do I sometimes, yes. This week was a perfect example, I put him off big time. I was so caught up in work that I put him on the side burner and suffered a great deal. I was making progress and taking steps forward in the prior week and then this week I took some steps back. I had an angry heart about everything. I got an email from someone saying they were praying for me and what was my response. “I truly appreciate it, but honesty I’m not worth it. Your time and energy can be spent elsewhere,” plus some other choice words. And of course, then I dwelled on that the rest of the week, because I felt bad I sent it, they were only trying to help bring it to the Lord. And then, since I have been angry this week, and I can’t really take it out on anyone, I have wanted to cut so bad. I disposed of my last razor two weeks ago, and have been able to restrain myself from doing it. I just don’t know what else to do with all this angry sometimes I have toward others, myself, and the world. I really am getting mad lately over people trying to help. And stuff that is not true and real keeps coming into my mind and this week I let it takeover.
Seriously, I don’t need people to pray for me or take interest in my life. In the end, I’ll bring them down and they will leave as a friend or what not. And then let’s talk about track records, what’s real & true…Every time I have something good going for myself, I always manage to screw it up. I am not beautiful or attractive or worthy of anyone’s love, let’s just count how many boyfriends I have had for proof of this. One of the people at church sent me a song to listen to called “Beautiful” by MercyMe which really set me off. Here is the start of the song which is mainly what I focused on when I listened to it a couple of times.
“Days will come when you don’t have the strength, when all you hear is you’re not worth anything, wondering if you ever could be loved, and if they truly saw your heart they’d see too much”
And then I started getting mad at the song when it stated over and over “You’re beautiful”…really??? No I’m 100% sure I’m not but thanks for that!
Alright, so of course these last few paragraphs are wrong per God’s Word but this is what happens to me when I don’t read his Word. Do I appreciate the prayers, yes somewhat (still have a hard time with this). Do I appreciate receiving the song, yes. Does the past dictate the future, no. Do I feel worthy, no, should I yes. Have I started to put a front on again, yes, should I, no.
In the following days, I am going to have to make a conscience effort of getting up (not pressing the snooze button), reading His Word in the morning, and constantly thinking on the truth and not allowing my emotions take hold.
It’s all about going to Him for strength, because I feel so weak and vulnerable right now. I have removed my coping mechanisms, and the emptiness on inside seems like a black hole at times. I wish it could be filled with love, instead. As much as I read the Bible and know God loves me and I should love others. There is no love in my heart or soul. I don’t think I really know what love really is because I don’t feel others love me and I don’t feel I love others. Do I hate, of course not but do I love, I don’t think so.
Yup…several steps backwards…Today is all there is, today is all there is, today is all there is….
Sunday, November 28, 2010
A Command...
Chapter 6
The author talks about how to take every thought captive and only think on what is true and real which is based off of Paul’s command in Philippians 4:8. In the previous chapters, I believe the author was just trying to have the reader recognize all the thoughts that go through their mind that are not real and true. In this past week, I have seen myself starting to filter as thoughts come in and cast out all the thoughts that are not real and true. It’s really tough though! By instinct I just want to start overanalyzing past events and dwell on the future. If I go back to the verse and take what Paul says as a command, then I must follow it otherwise I’ll be sinning. I am currently reading 1 John everyday for a month and its crazy how he makes everything very black and white. Either you follow and do it this way, as the Lord says, or you’re sinning. There’s no grey area. If I see it in that way, then either I dismiss what is in my mind that is not real and true or I am sinning by thinking on the unreal and false thoughts. Of course thoughts are going to enter my mind that are unreal and not true but it’s my responsibility now to capture these thoughts and dismiss them. If I don’t, I must reiterate this, then I’m sinning.
The other part of the chapter is acknowledging the benefits that come from only focusing on what is real and true. I know in the past when I have been in good spirits and not dwelling on the things I cannot change and focusing on the present, I seemed to be more productive, be less stressful, and have more energy. I have to retrain myself though from the mindset, to be all of those things for God’s purpose. In the past, it has been for my purpose not His.
It’s amazing how everything a person needs to have a productive, fruitful, successful life can be found in His Word. I have been so selfish during my first 29 years of life with everything being about my needs and desires not others or God. I am so thankful that He made sure the Bible was written and lasted through the ages in order for a person to know how to live life. Every day I turn to Scripture and focus on His word, on what is true and real. And I’m just amazed how He is such an all-knowing, gracious, but also a jealous God. I’m getting excited just writing this…He is where I can turn for any and everything and He always has an answer (of course it may not be obvious at first).
The author talks about how to take every thought captive and only think on what is true and real which is based off of Paul’s command in Philippians 4:8. In the previous chapters, I believe the author was just trying to have the reader recognize all the thoughts that go through their mind that are not real and true. In this past week, I have seen myself starting to filter as thoughts come in and cast out all the thoughts that are not real and true. It’s really tough though! By instinct I just want to start overanalyzing past events and dwell on the future. If I go back to the verse and take what Paul says as a command, then I must follow it otherwise I’ll be sinning. I am currently reading 1 John everyday for a month and its crazy how he makes everything very black and white. Either you follow and do it this way, as the Lord says, or you’re sinning. There’s no grey area. If I see it in that way, then either I dismiss what is in my mind that is not real and true or I am sinning by thinking on the unreal and false thoughts. Of course thoughts are going to enter my mind that are unreal and not true but it’s my responsibility now to capture these thoughts and dismiss them. If I don’t, I must reiterate this, then I’m sinning.
The other part of the chapter is acknowledging the benefits that come from only focusing on what is real and true. I know in the past when I have been in good spirits and not dwelling on the things I cannot change and focusing on the present, I seemed to be more productive, be less stressful, and have more energy. I have to retrain myself though from the mindset, to be all of those things for God’s purpose. In the past, it has been for my purpose not His.
It’s amazing how everything a person needs to have a productive, fruitful, successful life can be found in His Word. I have been so selfish during my first 29 years of life with everything being about my needs and desires not others or God. I am so thankful that He made sure the Bible was written and lasted through the ages in order for a person to know how to live life. Every day I turn to Scripture and focus on His word, on what is true and real. And I’m just amazed how He is such an all-knowing, gracious, but also a jealous God. I’m getting excited just writing this…He is where I can turn for any and everything and He always has an answer (of course it may not be obvious at first).
Friday, November 26, 2010
Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda...
Chapter 5
Back in chapter one I reflected on every past experience I have had that was shameful, embarrassing, and/or I regretted. In this chapter the author really focuses on the past and present. Since I wrote everything down in Chapter 1, I have felt absolute freedom. I have kept so many secrets and held onto so many regrets, that it has suffocated me. This chapter really made me realize there is a reason for everything and God has played a part in all of it. God knows everything and my life was mapped out before I was even born. He knew it would take some time for me to find Him, to truly find Him and commit myself to Him. He had me stumble through the first 29 years of my life for a reason. I may not understand it now but nonetheless He mapped out my life from the beginning. It was like a light bulb going off for me. When it comes to knowing the Bible and Scripture, I think I’m so behind and if only I had started sooner but that’s not what God wanted for me.
The biggest past regret is lying. For one, it was like an alternate life and having to keep all the stories straight was time consuming and draining. Also, I never let people know the real me, instead they knew this made up person. I can’t change the lies I told in the past but the present I can definitely do something about that.
By thinking about how God played a part in my past, I can see how He helped me through rough patches and also how He blessed me. God had a hand in making sure I didn’t die the night I overdosed. I wasn’t breathing and if someone wasn’t there to punch my chest, I wouldn’t be here right now. He made sure I didn’t go home, and that I was found in time.
And then He blessed my life by allowing my mother to survive through her cancer. Doctors said she would be dead in less than a year, but God knew I couldn’t have survived without her. She’s my best friend and He knew that I would need a person in my life that I could turn to in the good and bad times. A person who would always be there for me, and she was it. She may have her faults but who doesn’t? There has only been one perfect person on this earth and that was Jesus Christ himself.
One of the verses referenced in this chapter was Psalms 139:16, “Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.” And there you have it. He has been with me since the beginning, and everything was planned out. By looking at it from this point of view, I can shed the layers of regret and remorse that have been there for years. The best part is that just as He was with me in the past, he is with me in the present. For Psalms 73:23 says, “Nevertheless I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand.”
Now in the present, through prayer and biblical decision-making I will base my life. I will seek His counsel now and in the future. I will not dwell on my dreams but take action of what I can do now in the present. I will stop thinking about how this isn’t the way my life was supposed to be. Why? It’s not worth it and I my life is supposed to be this way, for God planned it that way. I can’t continue to not deal with circumstances in my life or deny parts of my life, because I don’t like them. This is the way it is, so if I want something else I must take action and change. And that change must happen in accordance with His Word. I cannot continue to postpone, dream about it, or dwell on the past.
2 Timothy 1:9 says, “who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was granted us in Christ Jesus from all eternity.” I am not sure what my holy calling is but I do know it’s according to His purpose not my purpose. And the only way to figure out what it is, is by prayer, prayer, and more PRAYER.
Back in chapter one I reflected on every past experience I have had that was shameful, embarrassing, and/or I regretted. In this chapter the author really focuses on the past and present. Since I wrote everything down in Chapter 1, I have felt absolute freedom. I have kept so many secrets and held onto so many regrets, that it has suffocated me. This chapter really made me realize there is a reason for everything and God has played a part in all of it. God knows everything and my life was mapped out before I was even born. He knew it would take some time for me to find Him, to truly find Him and commit myself to Him. He had me stumble through the first 29 years of my life for a reason. I may not understand it now but nonetheless He mapped out my life from the beginning. It was like a light bulb going off for me. When it comes to knowing the Bible and Scripture, I think I’m so behind and if only I had started sooner but that’s not what God wanted for me.
The biggest past regret is lying. For one, it was like an alternate life and having to keep all the stories straight was time consuming and draining. Also, I never let people know the real me, instead they knew this made up person. I can’t change the lies I told in the past but the present I can definitely do something about that.
By thinking about how God played a part in my past, I can see how He helped me through rough patches and also how He blessed me. God had a hand in making sure I didn’t die the night I overdosed. I wasn’t breathing and if someone wasn’t there to punch my chest, I wouldn’t be here right now. He made sure I didn’t go home, and that I was found in time.
And then He blessed my life by allowing my mother to survive through her cancer. Doctors said she would be dead in less than a year, but God knew I couldn’t have survived without her. She’s my best friend and He knew that I would need a person in my life that I could turn to in the good and bad times. A person who would always be there for me, and she was it. She may have her faults but who doesn’t? There has only been one perfect person on this earth and that was Jesus Christ himself.
One of the verses referenced in this chapter was Psalms 139:16, “Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.” And there you have it. He has been with me since the beginning, and everything was planned out. By looking at it from this point of view, I can shed the layers of regret and remorse that have been there for years. The best part is that just as He was with me in the past, he is with me in the present. For Psalms 73:23 says, “Nevertheless I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand.”
Now in the present, through prayer and biblical decision-making I will base my life. I will seek His counsel now and in the future. I will not dwell on my dreams but take action of what I can do now in the present. I will stop thinking about how this isn’t the way my life was supposed to be. Why? It’s not worth it and I my life is supposed to be this way, for God planned it that way. I can’t continue to not deal with circumstances in my life or deny parts of my life, because I don’t like them. This is the way it is, so if I want something else I must take action and change. And that change must happen in accordance with His Word. I cannot continue to postpone, dream about it, or dwell on the past.
2 Timothy 1:9 says, “who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was granted us in Christ Jesus from all eternity.” I am not sure what my holy calling is but I do know it’s according to His purpose not my purpose. And the only way to figure out what it is, is by prayer, prayer, and more PRAYER.
What If...
Chapter 4
As I read each chapter, all I can do, usually in the first paragraph, is think “I do that all the time!” So this chapter had to deal with thinking/dwelling on the future. None of us know the future, so why do we think about it so much then. I believe society and the way a person is raised is the biggest factors. Not sure about you, but my parents would always say to me, “Well, when you grow up…” or “think about your future…” And then in society, it’s all about saving for the future and planning out your life. Of course I believe everyone should have a plan for their life but they also can’t allow their wants/desires to come before God’s purpose for their life. This is what I am struggling with right now and all kinds of “What if…” statements flood my mind. As I continue dwelling on these statements days, weeks, & months pass by and I have not accomplished anything for Him. Here are a few of the “What if” statements which range from God’s plans to my fears of the future.
A few weeks back I was reading the Bible and came across a verse that is perfect for only focusing on the present but for the life of me I can’t find it. The jest of what it said was no one knows when they are going to die and all a person has is today. Similar to the “seize the day” philosophy. When I read it, I just had to stop, take it in, and see the ultimate truth beyond it. Here is a similar verse (but doesn’t pack the same punch as the other one), Ecclesiastes 8:7, “If no one knows what will happen, who can tell him when it will happen?” Isn’t that the truth, no one can predict the future, so why then dwell on it. The future is in God’s hands not ours. God created everything and there is a reason He made it so no person is able to predict the future.
For Ecclesiastes 7:14 says, “In the day of prosperity be happy, But in the day of adversity consider – God has made the one as well as the other So that man will not discover anything that will be after him.” Everything God sets forth has a purpose, I may not know what that is but I do know He Knows all. And through Him I can do anything. If the future calls for some kind of adversity in my life, so be it. I have to have faith that He will lead me through it and I will come out of it a stronger person. Below are a couple of verses I have to come back to when I don’t think I will be able to handle what life has in store for me and I start to think about the future.
As I read each chapter, all I can do, usually in the first paragraph, is think “I do that all the time!” So this chapter had to deal with thinking/dwelling on the future. None of us know the future, so why do we think about it so much then. I believe society and the way a person is raised is the biggest factors. Not sure about you, but my parents would always say to me, “Well, when you grow up…” or “think about your future…” And then in society, it’s all about saving for the future and planning out your life. Of course I believe everyone should have a plan for their life but they also can’t allow their wants/desires to come before God’s purpose for their life. This is what I am struggling with right now and all kinds of “What if…” statements flood my mind. As I continue dwelling on these statements days, weeks, & months pass by and I have not accomplished anything for Him. Here are a few of the “What if” statements which range from God’s plans to my fears of the future.
- What if I only do good works and there is no discipleship/teaching/spreading God’s Word attached to the works? Will it be discounted when I stand before Him?
- What if what I think He wants me to do is not what really what He wants and it’s really what I want?
- What if I waste this life by just going through the motions?
- What if my parents die tomorrow, will I be able to continue living and be productive?
- What if I am single for the rest of my life? And then if I am, is it alright for me to adopt a child or have a child on my own? And raise that child with only one parent? (I firmly believe that a child needs a father and mother, so this goes against everything I believe.
- What if I get desperate, will my desires to have a child outweigh my stand on a child being raised by two parents?)
- What if I never travel to the countries I want to go to?
- What if I go through this life and never experience true friendship? Friendship like my mother has with so many people. I envy that part of her life and wish I had those kinds of friendships. I just fear that I’m going to end up like my father who has lived his life and has no lasting friendships and doesn’t keep in touch with anyone.
- What if I should be doing something else with my life? How do I know?
- What if I don’t accomplish my dreams and goals?
- What if I die tomorrow, will anyone remember me a year from now?
- What if I fail God?
- What if I gain all the material items but never experience joy, love, and peace of mind?
- What if I get cancer like my mother and I am not as strong to survive through it?
A few weeks back I was reading the Bible and came across a verse that is perfect for only focusing on the present but for the life of me I can’t find it. The jest of what it said was no one knows when they are going to die and all a person has is today. Similar to the “seize the day” philosophy. When I read it, I just had to stop, take it in, and see the ultimate truth beyond it. Here is a similar verse (but doesn’t pack the same punch as the other one), Ecclesiastes 8:7, “If no one knows what will happen, who can tell him when it will happen?” Isn’t that the truth, no one can predict the future, so why then dwell on it. The future is in God’s hands not ours. God created everything and there is a reason He made it so no person is able to predict the future.
For Ecclesiastes 7:14 says, “In the day of prosperity be happy, But in the day of adversity consider – God has made the one as well as the other So that man will not discover anything that will be after him.” Everything God sets forth has a purpose, I may not know what that is but I do know He Knows all. And through Him I can do anything. If the future calls for some kind of adversity in my life, so be it. I have to have faith that He will lead me through it and I will come out of it a stronger person. Below are a couple of verses I have to come back to when I don’t think I will be able to handle what life has in store for me and I start to think about the future.
Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”
Philippians 4:19, “And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
Romans 8:28 – “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”
Update: I found the verse about not knowing our future...James 4:14-15, "Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.'"
Communicating with Others
Chapter 3
“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Have I ever over analyzed what another person said and what they really meant? Or tried to read between the lines? Or wondered why a person never responded to my voice message, text message, or email? Of course! I do it all the time!! What did she mean by that or did I say something wrong for them not to respond. I can make up the most imaginative explanations for a person’s actions and “what if scenarios”. I even analyze myself…maybe I should have said this or that and then they would have responded differently. All of this takes up a lot of wasted time that could be put to good use somewhere else. The author uses 1 Corinthians 13 as a guideline for taking everything at face value. I could seriously decrease half of my wandering thoughts and made up scenarios by not speculating on what a person says or doesn’t say. I have to remember to belief what a person says and to not think there is anything wrong. If the person thinks there is something wrong, then they have to come to me, instead of me speculating there is something wrong. Believing what a person says is a very hard thing to do, because so many people lie. I’ve lied most of my life to any and everyone, from my parents to friends to colleagues to bosses to coaches. It’s hard to change my mindset to believe people are honest and when they tell me something it is the truth. The part in the passage, “does not take into account a wrong suffered,” is my biggest weakness. If someone has wronged me in the past, then why should I believe him this time. Well, how about because the Bible says so, God says so.
The other issue I sometimes have is I like to get another person’s perspective on the issue. I suppose one may call that gossiping. If I think a person has lied to my face or told me a story, instead of going to that person, I usually go and get someone else’s take on the issue. This is also true if I know it vs. think it. Jesus says in Matthew 18:15, “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private.” Jesus doesn’t say go and tell everyone and then confront the person.
Usually I know when I have offended someone with my speech or behavior, because there is a nagging feeling in my stomach. If I get this feeling, instead of analyzing what the other person thinks or doesn’t think. I just need to return to that person and apologize for my actions.
It all comes back to thinking on what is real and true, and not going any further with the thoughts. No more second-guessing!
“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Have I ever over analyzed what another person said and what they really meant? Or tried to read between the lines? Or wondered why a person never responded to my voice message, text message, or email? Of course! I do it all the time!! What did she mean by that or did I say something wrong for them not to respond. I can make up the most imaginative explanations for a person’s actions and “what if scenarios”. I even analyze myself…maybe I should have said this or that and then they would have responded differently. All of this takes up a lot of wasted time that could be put to good use somewhere else. The author uses 1 Corinthians 13 as a guideline for taking everything at face value. I could seriously decrease half of my wandering thoughts and made up scenarios by not speculating on what a person says or doesn’t say. I have to remember to belief what a person says and to not think there is anything wrong. If the person thinks there is something wrong, then they have to come to me, instead of me speculating there is something wrong. Believing what a person says is a very hard thing to do, because so many people lie. I’ve lied most of my life to any and everyone, from my parents to friends to colleagues to bosses to coaches. It’s hard to change my mindset to believe people are honest and when they tell me something it is the truth. The part in the passage, “does not take into account a wrong suffered,” is my biggest weakness. If someone has wronged me in the past, then why should I believe him this time. Well, how about because the Bible says so, God says so.
The other issue I sometimes have is I like to get another person’s perspective on the issue. I suppose one may call that gossiping. If I think a person has lied to my face or told me a story, instead of going to that person, I usually go and get someone else’s take on the issue. This is also true if I know it vs. think it. Jesus says in Matthew 18:15, “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private.” Jesus doesn’t say go and tell everyone and then confront the person.
Usually I know when I have offended someone with my speech or behavior, because there is a nagging feeling in my stomach. If I get this feeling, instead of analyzing what the other person thinks or doesn’t think. I just need to return to that person and apologize for my actions.
It all comes back to thinking on what is real and true, and not going any further with the thoughts. No more second-guessing!
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